The clerk\u2019s name tag said BONNIE.<\/p>\n
She looked to be in her late fifties, with reading glasses hanging from a beaded chain and the careful expression of someone who had spent decades handling documents capable of changing people\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said. \u201cJeremy Lee Tolley.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd your name at the time?\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave her my maiden name.<\/p>\n
Her fingers moved over the keyboard.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere you are.\u201d<\/p>\n
Relief came so quickly that I nearly laughed.<\/p>\n
Bonnie printed a page, stamped it, and slid it toward me.<\/p>\n
Our marriage.<\/p>\n
Twenty-two years earlier.<\/p>\n
Legal.<\/p>\n
Recorded.<\/p>\n
Real.<\/p>\n
I stared at Jeremy\u2019s signature and felt foolish for ever needing to see it.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie did not release the page.<\/p>\n
Her fingertips remained on one corner.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there something else you needed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She glanced toward her monitor.<\/p>\n
\u201cProperty records? Divorce filings? Name changes?\u201d<\/p>\n
My relief disappeared.<\/p>\n
\u201cDivorce?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m asking what you're looking for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you. I only wanted our marriage certificate.\u201d<\/p>\n
She nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
Then she removed her hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat will be twelve dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
I paid.<\/p>\n
Before leaving, I looked back.<\/p>\n
Bonnie was still watching me.<\/p>\n
I sat in my car with the certified copy on my lap.<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
Jeremy and Jill Tolley.<\/p>\n
The document should have answered my question.<\/p>\n
Instead, I kept seeing Bonnie\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
I drove home and put the certificate on the kitchen table.<\/p>\n
Jeremy arrived around five.<\/p>\n
He saw it immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOur marriage license.\u201d<\/p>\n
His expression became unreadable.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy did you get that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted a certified copy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe already have copies.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted this one.\u201d<\/p>\n
He took off his jacket.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
I folded my arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause lately I feel like I need documentation for things I used to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me for a long moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cJill, whatever you're thinking\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat am I thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeither do I. That's the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jeremy pulled out a chair but did not sit.<\/p>\n
I asked about Vanderbilt again.<\/p>\n
He gave me the same answer.<\/p>\n
Someone needed help.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI promised I wouldn\u2019t talk about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMan or woman?\u201d<\/p>\n
His eyes shifted.<\/p>\n
That was enough.<\/p>\n
\u201cA woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJill\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it Lacey?\u201d<\/p>\n
He went completely still.<\/p>\n
I heard the refrigerator motor kick on.<\/p>\n
Somewhere outside, a dog barked twice.<\/p>\n
Jeremy lowered his head.<\/p>\n
That tiny movement hurt more than a confession might have.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou've been seeing her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt isn't what you think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen tell me what it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can't.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan't or won't?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBoth.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed once.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat's convenient.\u201d<\/p>\n
He came closer.<\/p>\n
I stepped back.<\/p>\n
He stopped immediately.<\/p>\n
That restraint almost undid me.<\/p>\n
Jeremy had always known when not to touch me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have never stopped loving you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn't what I asked.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sleeping with her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer came instantly.<\/p>\n
I believed it.<\/p>\n
That should have helped.<\/p>\n
It didn't.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes she love you?\u201d<\/p>\n
His face changed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don't know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're a terrible liar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'm trying not to lie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou're hiding half your life and congratulating yourself because the sentences you choose are technically true.\u201d<\/p>\n
He flinched.<\/p>\n
Good, I thought.<\/p>\n
Then I hated myself for being glad.<\/p>\n
Jeremy sat at the table.<\/p>\n
For the first time, he looked old to me.<\/p>\n
Not elderly.<\/p>\n
Just older than the boy I had competed for.<\/p>\n
There were deep lines beside his mouth. His hands were rough from decades of work. A small white scar crossed his right thumb from a roofing accident fifteen years earlier.<\/p>\n
I knew that scar.<\/p>\n
I knew which shoulder bothered him in winter.<\/p>\n
I knew he hated mayonnaise and loved burnt toast.<\/p>\n
I knew he rubbed his jaw when worried.<\/p>\n
And apparently I did not know where he went on Tuesdays.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need a little more time,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo handle something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWith Lacey?\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn't answer.<\/p>\n
I picked up the marriage certificate.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty-two years, Jeremy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I went upstairs.<\/p>\n
He slept on the couch.<\/p>\n
At eight the next morning, my phone rang.<\/p>\n
The courthouse number appeared on the screen.<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs. Tolley?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is Bonnie from the clerk\u2019s office.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid I leave something?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
A pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was reviewing the record after you left.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Another pause.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'd rather discuss that here.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did you find?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can't properly explain it over the telephone.\u201d<\/p>\n
The phrasing sounded bureaucratic, but Bonnie\u2019s voice did not.<\/p>\n
She sounded worried.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there something wrong with my marriage certificate?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. Your record is valid.\u201d<\/p>\n
I breathed again.<\/p>\n
Then she added, \u201cBut there's another record.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat record?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI'd prefer you come in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes it involve Jeremy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
That was my answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI'll be there in twenty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jeremy was already gone.<\/p>\n
I drove too fast.<\/p>\n
Bonnie was waiting when I entered the records office.<\/p>\n
She motioned me toward the far end of the counter, away from two people filling out forms.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shouldn't have called until I pulled everything,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cPulled what?\u201d<\/p>\n
She placed an envelope on the counter.<\/p>\n
My hands stayed at my sides.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA certified marriage record.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI already have mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis isn't yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room tilted slightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhose is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie did not answer immediately.<\/p>\n
She turned the envelope so the printed side faced me.<\/p>\n
I saw Jeremy's full legal name first.<\/p>\n
Jeremy Lee Tolley.<\/p>\n
Same middle name.<\/p>\n
Same date of birth.<\/p>\n
Same identifying information.<\/p>\n
My eyes moved toward the line marked SPOUSE.<\/p>\n
The name was covered by Bonnie's hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore I show you this,\u201d she said, \u201cI need you to understand something.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour marriage record from twenty-two years ago is still here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI cannot find a divorce attached to it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause we're not divorced.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is what concerns me.\u201d<\/p>\n
She moved her hand.<\/p>\n
The other spouse's name appeared.<\/p>\n
Lacey Burcham.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, I could not make sense of the letters.<\/p>\n
My mind kept rearranging them as if there had to be another explanation.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA marriage filing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie waited.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I repeated. \u201cJeremy is married to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo this can't be real.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI checked the identifiers twice.\u201d<\/p>\n
I touched the edge of the paper.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie pointed to the filing date.<\/p>\n
Three years earlier.<\/p>\n
My knees weakened.<\/p>\n
Three years.<\/p>\n
The Tuesdays had begun three years ago.<\/p>\n
The hospital receipt.<\/p>\n
Jeremy's refusal to explain.<\/p>\n
His reaction when I mentioned Lacey.<\/p>\n
Everything that had seemed disconnected suddenly formed one terrible line.<\/p>\n
I whispered, \u201cHe married her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie\u2019s expression softened.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe record says he did.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the certificate again.<\/p>\n
I had come to the courthouse to prove I was Jeremy Tolley's wife.<\/p>\n
Now I was holding proof that another woman was claiming the same thing.<\/p>\n
And the woman was Lacey.<\/p>\n
The woman I had taken him from twenty-two years earlier.<\/p>\n
The clerk\u2019s name tag said BONNIE. She looked to be in her late fifties, with reading glasses hanging from a beaded chain and the careful expression of someone who had … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7508,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feel-every-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7510","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7510"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7510\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7621,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7510\/revisions\/7621"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7508"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feeleverystory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}